I think it has certainly helped but the journey started long before then. I always wanted to write as a child for example and just stopped as a young adult on the assumption there was no point and I didn’t have time. I didn’t paint because I assumed I wouldn’t paint anything worth having… I can blame my art teacher 30 years ago for that one. I’ve always been creative in the practical sense working out ways to fix things etc.
Really when my husband became so ill with his depression I didn’t recognise him and it was so bad I had told him our marriage was about to end I realised that I was juggling all of our joint responsibilities. His depression had caused him to check out a while before. All I did was work and kids, work and kids and all that did really was make him worse and make me ill too. That was the turning point, a time when I stood up and demanded that I could and should take back time for me. I wrote my first novel in a haze of depression but it helped me survive it – my own little world where I had control over what happened.
Couple that with coming to that place in my life where I don’t fear failing at something. If no one likes my painting who cares – I like doing it. If I never sell a book who cares – I’ve enjoyed writing and people I love have enjoyed reading.
It’s been a long walk back to health for me and I don’t dismiss the part BSD has played but it isn’t all that has contributed. I’m also aware that whilst increasingly I do feel better it also doesn’t take much to knock me down. I am inching ever closer to health but I’m still not quite there.
In other news… I ate a chocolate muffin…
confession complete!
all other food as planned, chicken salad and home made salsa any minute and tomorrow back to 800!