Thanks V, it is not so much the pickle, pickle was just an example – I could have pickled beetroot or onions etc etc it is just not something you think of eating on its own or I would be even thinking about calories in cheese – and I do have cheese and pickle every week in a ploughmans. That’s not the point. It is hard to explain except you understand with your mobility problems that it sometimes seems so bloody unfair and you just have to live with it. And then for someone who should understand watching and commenting on what you eat or drink which you know perfectly well the item in question was not bad for me, he was policing my portion size – even though I didn’t mention he was having chips and I wasn’t. Sorry but it was just a tipping point.
Every morning I get up and have a medication in water and add vinegar, then I take 9 tablets. My day is spent obsessing about what I can and can’t have. I write a menu but want something interesting or exciting or something like fresh strawberries (not possible). I look in the fridge and there is cold meat or cheese but is that it! I have some kiwi in the bowl but it is saved for breakfast. A few nuts and again, the calories. Then in the evening I take another 3 tablets and, of course, the dreaded injection. It doesn’t hurt much but it is a constant reminder. It is just a constant battle and I know I just have to put up with it just as you do, but as you say, I am allowed to get down about it now and then and not pretend to be living the life I want to. Even thinking ahead to our cruise my mind goes to what I can or cannot eat and will I gain weight, will my blood glucose get out of whack. We have free afternoon teas every day onboard which hubby loves and I will sit there watching him enjoy sandwiches (I can throw the bread away) or cake/scones (which I definitely cant have). I might as well just go and sit in our cabin but don’t want to leave him on his own. Yet when I want to swim he won’t come and sit by the pool with me so I go on my own.
Tomorrow is another day and I will be okay – I am going to get back into exercising this afternoon. That should get some of the feel good hormones going.