Angelsand, I’ve been reading your posts since you first joined and I haven’t said anything because these issues are sensitive and I don’t want to be the fool that rushes in where angel(sands?) fear to tread, but it’s time to lay it out. I am concerned that you may be clinically depressed. Everything you do, whether it’s a gain, a plateau, a loss, going off the rails with carbs, sticking to the BSD, staying home too much or socializing drives you to despair and self-loathing. There doesn’t seem to be a single thing you can accomplish that makes you feel good about yourself.
I’ve been doing the BSD since August, and I’ve lost more than 6.5 pounds in a week exactly 5 times. What you’ve achieved this week is wonderful, a great thing that you should be enjoying to the hilt, all the more so because it’s not likely to happen very often. But there is something in your head telling you it’s not good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. You are never good enough.
Well I’m here to tell those voices to suck it. You did fantastic this week. Despite your long and tortured relationship with food, despite all the starts and stops, you succeeded at losing a great deal of weight. Revel in it. Wallow in it. Pat yourself on the back and shut your brain up for a second. It is lying to you.
As for your friends, make yourself a nice ice tea or sparkling water with a twist of lemon. You are not a slave to their standards. Only you get to decide what goes in your body. This isn’t high school and you are a grown woman. They can’t peer pressure you into self-destructive behaviors. If they don’t support you, then they can suck it too.