Well here I am, in a place I thought I would never be. 19 stone and no idea why. Fat, ugly, overwhelmed, full of self loathing, no self esteem and lost. I have an old life where I weighed around 13 stone and a current life where I weigh 19stone. I am nearly 6ft tall. I do my best to make sure I don’t bump into people from my old life to such an extent that I don’t go out locally if I can help it. I bumped into an old friend coming out of the supermarket the other day and stood there as he scanned me slowly up and down. The look of disgust on his face when his eyes finally met mine is a memory that will never leave me, he literally couldnt complete his sentence.
I have good friends, people who do not judge and who value me but the horror of bumping into the old crowd is turning me into a recluse.
I’ve got lots of unhelpful thought patterns about being overweight – my father heaped scorn on my mum pretty much all the time, her being overweight added justification to his scorn in his mind. To him how can anyone with any self respect or self control let them self get so fat.
She had the last laugh though because he died (was diabetic)of a massive heart attack at 60! Mum is doing well though has always battled with weight. He was not a nice man. No love lost.
I guess my parents are good examples of the fat on the inside and fat on the outside principle. In a way I guess the fat on the outside ones are the lucky ones. I have inherited my mums ‘fat on the outside’ but all of my fathers thought processes about being fat which results in a fairly big dose of self loathing.

The other big elephant in the room (aside from me haha) is my marriage. Three years after getting married he had an affair for over a year. So stupid of me not to have noticed. I was in the midst of post pregnancy recovery and young children and nightmarish sleep deprivation that went on for five years due to various reasons with our eldest.
I have worked really hard on myself to stay in the marriage and remove feelings of hatred, suspicion, rage, etc. I felt it so unfair that I did nothing wrong yet was kept lying awake at night for years while he slept peacefully with no qualms whatsoever. I have replaced hate and rage with an appreciation of his better qualities and feel empowered to say out loud when I think he is wrong. It’s not a loving marriage, we work well as a team. He is having other affairs. I am trying to live my life as I would wish to – regardless of my marriage.

I have had super success with Atkins in the past but not so much in recent years. I can’t stomach all that meat.
Recently I was ill and didn’t eat for a week, all I could cope with was an apple a day, sometimes not even that. I lost a stone in a week but that went back on within a month.
I have to loose 6 stone that’s 84lb is it even possible?
I don’t understand how the whole 8 week thing works. Do you just carry on till you get to your weight target?? Clearly it’s going to take more than 8 weeks 🙂
How important is the restricting calorie and counting calorie? I honestly can’t imagine myself being any good / motivated to do that.
I cut out coffee last year ( I was only ever a one cup a day girl) because I only liked it with full cream. The cream / milk make me feel unwell so I generally avoid them. I bloat up massively on bread and get hiccups / burning /choking sensation though sometimes I don’t. This leads me to think it’s all in my mind and once or twice a week I’ll have a few slices of homemade bread as toast or a sandwich. I am rapidly going off the taste of potatoes and try and cook with rice (brown) or buckwheat or pearl barley. I do crave sugar and probably have something sweet after evening meal with the family. I don’t buy biscuits or sweet treats as part of my regular shop but still manage to find a cake or similar for dinner. If there was a packet of biscuits in the cupboard I would eat them all. I crave something sweet after a meal. I don’t drink fizzy pop but do have a glass or red wine most nights.
I have no idea why I have told all this story – I realised a year or so ago that I was using past events as a “poor me” excuse for being fat.
I’ve never told anyone this little story of my mundane troubles. Sorry that be a bore and I realise how lucky I am and that others have much worse experiences.
Thank you.

Hi BonChance

That feels like something you have wanted to get of your chest for a long time, well done you.
This will work if you really want to do it for you, not your mum, or you dads attitutes before he died, or the old crowd , but wonderful you.

I’m just starting out this week and have bought two books one is about the diet and has. 4 week meal plan and recipes and I also bought another recipe book which has an 8 week plan in it. I’m just going to follow those so I don’t need to tot up the calories on my own. If there is anything I hate (tomatoes 🤮🤮🤮🤮) I just change the recipie slightly. It’s easy to follow and I’m feeling a little hungry but I’m not craving my usual crisps.

😊

BonChance

Welcome to you. I was very touched reading your post, You are about to embark on a life changing journey. This way of eating will change how you look and feel about yourself and actually it isn’t difficult once you start. I went to slimming world and Weightwatchers for years and never lost more than a few pounds. I started BSD in January 2017 and lost 42 lb. There are many lovely people on here who have lost a lot more, kept it off and are very supportive with their advice. The main principles are to stay low carb so no bread, pasta, rice potatoes, cakes, biscuits etc. once you get used to eating full fat yoghurt, eggs cheese, cream in your coffee you won’t believe how the weight comes off, forget everything you thought you knew about dieting and follow the principles of this way of eating and you will see the weight disappear. I am a strict vegetarian and managed to lose my weight. I was a slow loser so it took me longer than some fellow BSDers , I did 8 weeks then 8 weeks more, then 8 weeks more etc. I broke the journey into segments. I lost 17.5 lb in my first 8 weeks and I couldn’t believe it. I wrote down in a journal what I ate and weighed myself each week and watched the chart go down. This is the start of your BSD journey. Take it slowly and don’t compare your weight losses to others, once you get to goal it doesn’t matter how long it took. This way of eating really does work. There is a wealth of information on here so have a good look on the site.

Thank you for being so honest and sharing your rather sad and touching story with us all and here’s to the start of your new life! You won’t believe how much confidence you will have and how good you will feel in a few weeks time. I can’t wait for that nasty man at the supermarket to see the new you.

Cathy

Hi and welcome Bon Chance
First thing you need to know is that it is NOT your fault you are fat – none of us are to blame.
Take some time to watch Robert Lustig on YouTube “The Hacking of the American Mind” and “Killing for Profit” at the European Parliament.
Take those on board, you’ll be shocked and angry and feel a lot better about yourself and, if you’re like me, feel ready to make a change knowing that it will work.
Be kind to yourself
Maggie

And a research document “Fat: the new health paradigm” published by Credit Suisse. When an investment bank says this is the way to go you can believe it!

Hi Bon Chance, I hope you are getting the support you need here on this site and have had your questions answered. I do the 8 weeks then have some time off, not because I cant do it any more but it usually clashes with holidays, Xmas etc. The secret to keeping your weight down during the gaps is to never ever have starchy carbs. Bye bye to that homemade bread and the brown rice or buckwheat and pearl barley -they are all high in carbs. You might also have to forget about the glass of wine for the first 8 weeks at least (that’s the hardest for me too).

Shout out if you need more help, there is always someone here who will listen.

Welcome BonChance,
It may help you to know that I started on this Way of Eating (WoE) mid October. I have lost 6stone so far by doing repeated rounds of keeping carbs very low, and aiming for 800 calories a day. – Unfortunately there is a lot of mis-information about diet and weight out there. People are made to feel guilty about over eating and becoming fat. However, the advice that we get fat just due to eating too many calories simply is not true.
I would recommend watching the podcasts by Jason Fung, which will explain that when we eat carbs our insulin levels rise which means that, even if we eat less calories than we burn, our body can not access our fat stores to make up the difference. But by keeping carbs low, you will keep your insulin low, which then enables your body to burn fat to make up the difference between calories eaten and calories burnt.
It isn’t easy initially breaking free from our “carb monster”, our bodies and our gut bacteria are used to an unhealthy diet, but after a while the cravings for carbs will ease/end. Those of us who have a lot of weight to loose have an advantage in that multiple rounds of the weeks of being low carb help us loose the desire for carbs once we move over to maintenance.
There are the pieces of advice I would give you.
The first is don’t just focus on the bathroom scales, but celebrate what is referred to on the forums as None Scale Victories. (NSV), sometimes the scales don’t change but measurements do. So take measurements, not just of your waist and hips, but legs, arms, and maybe take photos too so that you can see the progress you have made.
Break your journey into small steps, rather than just think about loosing 6 stone, break it into smaller steps that you can celebrate achieving, and maybe come up with some rewards for yourself for reaching a bigger step.
Finally one idea I have found helpful is working out a WHY for the weight loss. Talking in terms of wanting to loose 6 stone is quite abstract, but you think about the reason WHY you want to lose the weight, which could be that you have an activity that you really enjoy but weight prevents you from doing it, or a special event you want to look good for, – maybe you want to loose the weight so you can socialise locally again? Everyone’s WHY is personal to them but it is far more powerful motivator than the number on the bathroom scales.

Hello from the west coast of the US, BonChance. I’m glad you’ve joined us. The amount of weight you want to lose is completely do-able — it seems an impossible number right now to you, but there are many here who have lost as much, or more. So don’t give that part of it another thought — it’s just a number, and as you move in that direction, you are going to discover a lot of other motivating and life-affirming aspects to this way of eating that are going to help sustain you on your journey.
I ‘m from a family with difficult relationships too. I understand how those get into your head and are not useful and quite damaging in our lives. But I think you already hit the nail on the head — you said they are “unhelpful thought patterns” and I totally agree with you.
For just a few months now, can you just stay out of your head and stay out of your old thought patterns as you embark on this BSD way of eating? It is going to be very important to think in a fresh and new way so you can start to change the old pattern.
This diet can set you free — but you will have to push out the old thoughts and focus on the new to make the switch to BSD-life. When you start obsessing about your dad and your husband and your awful “friend” who scanned you at the grocery store, it will be helpful to replace those thoughts with some new thought or activity — go for a walk, or knit or scrapbook, or call a supportive friend or volunteer somewhere or take a class — anything to stop the “tape” in your head.
I had to get my revengeful, churning thoughts under control too — I think Dr. Moseley knows this too when he recommends mindfulness. We get so “into” our own life story in our heads it distracts us from focusing on our eating and our happier selves.
And of course, you are getting a physical, dopamine rush from sugar and carbohydrates and that is a terrible feedback loop leading to more and more.
I always recommend getting a copy of Gary Taubes book, “Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It” — it was my perfect companion book to the BSD and it will change forever how you think about eating carbohydrates. Several of the most successful “losers” here agree it is very helpful.
There are so many resources for you — find a thread you like and join if you want to. If it gets to be too much to post, you can just read the threads and take away useful information.
BonChance, you are going to change your life — you are going to amaze yourself. And that creep at the store was a truly mean person — why didn’t he think to himself, wow here is this beautiful woman who gained all this weight, what has happened in her life that this was the outcome? He should have thought to himself, what can I do to help?

Hi BonChance
I can’t add any more to what people have already posted, so just wanted to say welcome.
You won’t find anything but great advice, support and kindness on here. Something we all need at times.

Glad you’ve joined us.

Marie xx
btw, love the name

BonChance , don’t feel bad. Your husband hasn’t appeared to have done much for your self esteem, and food can be such a comfort when we feel alone. But you can have the last laugh. You will lose weight on this diet , as many others have done . Buy the diet book and recipe book , there are lots of easy recipes on line here too. You can lose the weight you want to – my neighbour lost 7 stone on another plan , but I think this one is much easier. I recall from previous posts that people have successfully completed blocks of 8 weeks, I did it myself three times in my first year, now due to knee and mobility problems I need to lose another stone – but I know I will. Try and keep positive, I know it’s hard , research the recipes and posts on here – you will get there in the end! Good luck, and keep posting if you need advice or support . 🙂

I was very nearly 19 stone when I embarked on my current weight loss journey, and at my lightest point I had lost 8 1/2 stone so your target is absolutely do-able, although it isn’t easy to stay motivated for the length of time it takes. It took me two whole years to get from my heaviest ever weight to my ambitious target of 8 stone less, and back to a weight I hadn’t seen since my early twenties, and I jumped “off the wagon” several times during that period. The trick is to always jump back on again and there will always be many hands outstretched to pull you back up, as there were for me. I second the WHY call to arms, we all have a better reason than just weight loss to do this, and that is our health. Your specifics may differ to some of ours, but it is the main reason for me even though I wasn’t diabetic. Look for Lucia’s ‘baby steps’ threads for some good ideas on things to do to increase activity slowly (and with added humour). Even though I was still quite fit at my heaviest, I put some of her suggestions into my daily routine. Review some of the other threads as well, a particular favourite of mine are the positive thoughts thread, and the various mini goals threads, there are so many success stories on here I don’t know where to start recommending them, but just dip into anything that takes your fancy to bolster your motivation. Good luck on your own journey.

Hello BonChance (and everyone who has responded here).
Your story moved me and I recognise something of your difficulties in myself: a tendency to low self-esteem; self-destructive thought patterns; self-criticism; sensitivity (a double-edged sword, that one, but a positive I’d say).
I’ve been physically healthy and active most of my life although now and then prone to depression (never bad enough to make me go to the doctor, but debilitating at times). Exercise helped a lot with that. For some reason, in my late forties/early fifties I stopped looking after myself and I’ve put on four stone. I feel ashamed, embarrassed and, like you BonChance, avoid going back to old haunts in case I see previous neighbours. I know this is life-limiting and I want to feel better about myself. I’m also frightened. I turn 60 this year and want to be around for my family and be active with my grandchildren.
I’ve never believed in diets, but I tried the low blood sugar way for a month last year and was amazed how well it worked. Then I went away for a long weekend and fell off the wagon. I’m quite a private person so don’t like taking part in forums like these. But I now know I need the support of others attempting the same challenge.
I first came across Canadaliz on the ‘alcoholic’ forum. She was a huge inspiration and I continued reading all the messages there on and off over the weeks and months. Alcohol is a difficult one for me, probably even more difficult than avoiding carbs although I love bread!
I want to make a new start. I mustn’t tell myself that we’re halfway through summer so I’ve missed the boat – that’s the kind of negative thinking I can do (I’m a bit of an all or nothing person, no compromise, so if I slip up I consider it a complete failure and what’s the point in trying? See what I mean?).
I’ve had no alcohol today and won’t now. I had a carb binge mid-afternoon then ate a small, healthy meal with hardly any carbs (resisted the new potatoes) early this evening. It’s a shaky start (and I hadn’t really intended starting today) but then I read your message and the others here and would like to join you all.
Thank you for writing.

BonChance, welcome to this community! This is a place like no other, full of wisdom and knowledge,
tons of experience and unique in its generosity of spirit. We are just a sea of usernames to you at this
moment, but if you join one of the challenge threads, you will meet others at all stages of their journey
to wellness, who are already looking forward to welcoming you! You don’t know me yet, but I very
much know you 🙂 I admire your courage in taking your first steps, and believe that you
have more strength than you may realize. On June 1, 2016 I weighed 20stone5lbs. Ten months
later, I had lost 10stone, went into maintenance, and lost another 8 lbs. All things are possible
with this way of life (WOL). I have been able to maintain my losses for over a year, and this community
is an integral part of making such possible. Please have a look around, and join one of the threads
that speaks to you 🙂 I’m looking forward to getting to know you!

Hello there, Nixi. Welcome to you as well. Many members here acknowledge that alcohol is a
challenge for them, too! Dependency is a different matter, and is a medical problem that goes
beyond the scope of this forum. If you participate in the forums, you will find much helpful advice
on why alcohol is an impediment to weight loss. You might want to take a look at a post by
californiagirl 6/4/2018 on a thread entitled “Wino!” You are in good company here, and we would
all be happy to offer support to you, and share our experiences. Best to you,

Allie

Please believe you have nothing to feel ashamed about. The shame is with the people who judge and do not see the hurt being hidden by the extra pounds. We try and protect ourselves from the pain by putting on armour in the form of fat. Look at so many people out there who are hurting, but you have taken a huge leap and decided to change that and that is fantastic.
Over the past couple of years I have talked about trying the BSD but haven’t even started, there was always excuses and reasons. Recently a lot went on in my life and I realised I had a lot of issues that I hadn’t dealt with and I had been kidding myself that all was ok. So finally I realised the importance of mental self care. Find happiness and gratitude first and then the body will follow not what I have been trying for the past 20 years of only allowing myself to be happy dependant on what the scales said. Stuff that, it’s a really shitty way to live and we all deserve better.
What helped for me was reading Dr Joe Dispenza “How to break the habit of being yourself “ and doing the meditations (intermittently but working on it) . Dr Brené Brown TED talks and listening to her interview on Oprah’s Soul Sunday podcast was also amazing. I am ordering her books next. Decluttering the house also helped and taking up hobbies and prioritising time for myself. Plus repeating the mantra “l am enough” to help establish new helpful thoughts and having regular counseling .
You deserve so much more than you believe right now. You deserve happiness, health and to be truly loved.

Hi BonChance,

I think you told your story because you needed to. I hope expressing it helped a bit. I hope the support you’re getting here, and will continue to get, helps even more. This diet works and you’ve chosen to do it, so you’re no longer that person you don’t want to be. You’re on your way to being healthier, slimmer and happier.

A book that I found helpful that you might too is “The Overweight Patient: A Psychological Approach to Understanding and Working with Obesity” by Kathy Leach. It’s available on amazon, as a new book its pricey, as text book often are, but the second hand copies are quite reasonable.
It’s written by a psychotherapist, but although it’s aimed at a professional audience it’s very accessible.
I purchased it a couple of years ago, read it then and still dip into it from time to time. I found it helpful thinking about emotional issues around my weight – and the realisation that whatever I encountered as a child, I’m the one responsible for managing my life, health and weight now.
While there is the logical “eat less, weigh less” argument, thinking differently about the emotional side was incredibly helpful for me.