Hi all,
I have been reluctant to send this message as it means relaying my vulnerabilities…*gulps* but here it goes:

I have been struggling the best part of a 2 years with my weight which has namely been because of my personal circumstances. Unfortunately I am dealing with caring responsibilities for my mother who has mental health issues, work etc – as many of us perhaps do. However my coping strategy has been to resort to alcohol and over 18 months my weight has piled on significantly.

I used to be around 8 stone 3lbs, now I am 12 stones and I feel incredibly ashamed of what I have become. My husband has commented so many times that I need to change my behaviour and I absolutely agree but feeling so low in mood has made it difficult to make changes. I am trying to maintain some sense of stable mental health in amongst all the life stressors but it has been hard.

I no longer want to rely on alcohol, I no longer want to fight with my husband over this, I do longer want to shut the world out. I want to live a healthier lifestyle, I want to not hurt my husband anymore, I want to not live in 3 outfits, I want to see friends again – but I feel at a complete loss.

The irony of it is that I actually work with patients providing therapeutic treatments – I give my all to my job and fortunately this remains unaffected but after sessions with patients I am drained and emotional – thus going for that bottle of wine. I am grateful that my work has not been impacted but that’s also because I put my patients first and work so many hours to give the best care that I can – but now I’m crumbling too.

My husbands sister is getting married at the beginning of September and I want to lose weight before this and not feel disgusting and hideous in myself. My confidence has dissipated. I am pretty good at putting on a front because I feel I haven’t a choice.

So…(apologies for that!) I would love to have support to start the BSD as soon as possible, I have about 60 days before the wedding. I know alcohol will be a huge barrier but I am trying to figure out how to manage this. If anyone wishes to join me on a quest and keep one another accountable, that’d be great. If anyone wants to whatsapp support also that’d be great too 🙂

Apologies for this long message, but if you got to the end of this, I thank you sincerely.

Hi flowers, ouch, a lot on your plate right now and a lot being asked of you. It sounds like you could use some taking care of yourself and some space and time to just breathe out and let some of this overwhelming responsibility go.
As you start into the BSD diet, don’t stress with it — it can take a few weeks (months) for the whole idea to really settle in so just be patient with yourself and let yourself “learn” how to do it — you will get better and better at it as you “practice” it day by day (some days will go better than others) — but just let each step in the right direction be a victory. It works even when it isn’t followed perfectly.
Take care of yourself too — rest, sleep, exercise gently, keep the activities to a minimum until you feel stronger and less overwhelmed. Sending you good thoughts.
We’ll see you here on the posts.

Oh Flowers, you are really not on your own. Many people on this forum have suffered or do suffer from low self esteem. Many turn to drink and many to food. You are a little hard on yourself. You are in a difficult and stressful position. Being a carer and in a caring profession is very draining and it is little wonder your hand reaches for the Wine. Wine makes all the problems seem less important.

I read all the posts that I can during the day and they strengthen my resolve. I have used Wine as a crutch for many years and I am confident at the moment that I can cope without it.

Try little steps. It works for some people…try cutting down, or drinking alternate days. For myself, I can’t trust myself, so I am abstaining completely. Others are still drinking, but much less.

We are here to support you. No-one will chastise you if you have a bad day and go over your calories or have a drink. Everyone here is supportive. I am happy to help in any way I can. Feel free to let me know what I can do for you.

Supportive
Joes Nonna

Hi flowers – I feel for you – I too only wear the same three things – I refuse to buy any more clothes because youa nd I are not going to be at this weight for much longer – that would be a waste of money! I too spend a lot of time listening to others and it truly can be draining! Be kind to yourself and try and make some me time. Could your husband offer some help and respite withyour mum! You sound like you need to start asking other family and friends for help – this is adversely affecting your health. You won’t be able to help your mother if you are unwell yourself. My OH goes on about my weight too – it doesn’t help! Much as I know it pains him to see me killing myself. I have actually lost a lot of friends through not keeping in touch – just trying to cope with day to day life trying to lose weight.

I say all this to show my support for you. Please look into possible services as well thatmay be able to help

All the best

Hi flowers I can only reiterate everything that has already been said here.

Well done for ‘putting pen to paper’ you have taken the first, the most difficult and the most important step. There it’s ‘out’ now so you can start dealing with all your ‘demons’. We all have them.

You don’t say if you have the BSD book. If you haven’t read it get please yourself a copy. I often re-read mine when I’m feeling low or forgetting why I’m here.

I think wine is a crutch for lots of people probably because it’s the ‘accepted’ drug of choice in many countries. There’s an interesting thread on here ‘My relationship with alcohol’. Just type the title into the search box and it will come up. Also, there’s a very good book by Jason Vale which I think is call ‘Kick the drink easily’ or something like that. It’s very repetitive, and in some ways basic, but it certainly helps you to understand why alcohol is so accepted as part of life and in fact ‘non- drinkers’ are seen as the oddities. Worth a read anyway.

The support on here is tremendous so make use of it. If you can firstly get yourself familiar with the low carb/healthy fat way of eating reducing or eliminating wine will follow. Don’t try and make too many changes at once because you sound really overwhelmed at the moment. One step at a time and you WILL get to where you want to be.

You may not resolve all your issues in 60 days but there’s a really good chance that within a few weeks you will feel ‘in control’ of your body again, and that in itself will give you more confidence, and then it follows that you will start to ‘glow’.

This is a really great way of eating, as so many will tell you, so very best of luck. One day at a time and keep on posting.

What stood out for me flowers, is that you just don’t seem to feature in your story with any importance. It’s time to start taking back, because if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you continue to care for others?

I agree that in you situation, you might fair best making small changes initially, however, it can be very empowering taking control and tackling the BSD head on. Whichever you choose, know that you are not alone and that there are lots of people here to offer support and encouragement, help and advise. No-one here will judge you, so feel safe in the knowledge that you can share both your successes and disappointments along the way. Celebrate every little success and let go of the small transgressions, slips and blips. We are all human and there will be many of these along the way.

So, be kind to yourself flowers, it’s time to take something back for yourself and to make changes in your life, to ensure you health and wellbeing.

Best wishes for every success.

Hi flowers
I am more of a reader than a poster but was affected by your post and recognise the emotions you write about.
I am 9 months down this path on the BSD and can offer up bits I found helpful
Your description of shame resonated with me -I have felt so proud of dropping my weight because I was often embarrassed by my body. I am a bit ashamed of that too -my body has produced 2 great kids and survived 2 life threatening illnesses-what was the matter with me .We are brilliant human beings working hard as best we can to live our lives – be proud of the struggle and try not to be ashamed. Recently I read how researchers had linked the hormonal reaction to shame to worsening health outcomes -especially linked to cortisol . This is a steroid hormone which , guess what, makes you fatter . Give it up- shame makes you feel awful and might be contributing to the issue that is causing it. There is a fantastic TED talk by a women called Brene Brown who researches shame,take a look I found it really insightful.
One last thing consider headspace app 10mins mindfulness a day , good place to start .
NN

Hi Flowers 🌺 – I am just about to start off on the BSD (again ! Was very ill last year and stopped) – you have a lot going on ! Blimey – but how brilliant you are for doing this ! These forums are great – they are an absolute life saver so many lovely people – I was on everyday – two things that worked for me 1. plan each weeks meals ahead of time 2. When you feel wobbly or not check straight into a forum ! I personally appreciate your openness about your situation that takes courage – it’s so impressive ! Let’s do this together ! What day are you starting ?