Hi all, my loss didn’t last long and I don’t know why. Yesterday I had my usual Sunday brunch around 11.30 – 2 grilled sausages, canned toms, grilled mushrooms and a fried egg. Dinner was steak and salad, only snacks were my usual 85% dark chocolate square and a couple of slices of chicken.
One thing I did have was an absolute melt down – and over nothing. I am diabetic so cant just say to hell with it I’m going to have that cake or sausage roll or whatever – never, ever, ever. I have lots of friends and know of many people who do say that, I also know people who have lost limbs, sight or have serious organ complications or are even dead. So I am not going to be stupid and my diet is a personally enforced regime. BUT just sometimes….. I wish I could be like everyone else. One thing I miss are strong flavours like pickles. I know I can have them but they don’t usually go well with what I am eating – you cant have scrambled eggs and piccillili or branston. Yes I could just have a teaspoon at any time but its not the same as an accompaniment to a meal. So last night when I served out steak and salad for me and steak and chips for hubby, I put a large dollop of horseradish on my plate. He took one look and sarcastically said ‘sure you have enough there’. I am sorry to say I shouted and screamed at him to just leave me alone, let me have something nice for a change. Later when I calmed down I apologised for over-reacting and explained that I feel like every day of my life is being restricted (which it is) and I am sick of living my life like this. The alternative is to stop the strict diet and eat cake and sausage rolls and be dead in a few years or lose a leg or toe – which I also don’t want. I also have the double whammy of wanting to lose weight and look better but not just that, it is better for my overall health and diabetes.
I still feel weepy but know I have to keep on keeping on…. But no, its no life and I am fed up with it. I know depression is a common consequence of diabetes, just because we have to live with it day in day out and I will talk to my doctor about it. I just don’t know if I can go on like this.
I’m not looking for a solution as I know I just have to keep going with the diet but finding it hard to find joy in anything. Maybe the weather is not helping as we can’t get out in the garden when it is cold and wet and miserable.
Sorry for my moan but sunshine girl is not always sunny.