What does “something nice” mean to you? What’s nice about it, exactly? Obviously it’s not nice to your body. The opposite is true. The “nice” stuff brutalizes it, so it must be something emotional/mental, and that means you can change it. You can break out of this prison, I promise you.
I weighed more than 300 lb when I started the Fast 800 in August 2016. I can’t tell you the exact figure because unlike you, I didn’t have the ovarian fortitude to weigh myself until the 4th week. Fourteen months later I’d said goodbye to 200 of the pounds, and am a fervent evangelist of the BSD way of eating.
Good for you for facing the nightmare of the scale with honesty and forthrightness. That’s a scary thing for people who have lived in avoidance and denial for so long. The fact that you did it and posted the hard truth here attests to the strength inside of you. Cling to that. Don’t paint yourself as a weakling beholden to old patterns. Cut the carbs, punch self-defeating thoughts in the face, and move forward into liberation and light.
Welcome to the forum, MamaTri. You’ll always find support and help here whenever you need it. 🙂