S-g I think your daughter may be right.
I went through a trauma just over 19 years ago. I’d had a hip resurfacing in 2000 then in 2007 I contracted sepsis which went to my hip. Then I went through a series of maybe 3 surgeries to remove my hip and had nearly 5 months in hospital. The upshot was that rather than just getting a new hip and hey ho off I would go, as I thought, my surgeon said if I was lucky I’d be able to walk with crutches! I was stunned. Then after a further two surgeries I had a new hip. I was wheelchair bound for several months and my mobility improved but has never fully recovered. So now I use crutches and a walker if I go more than a few hundred yards as I need to sit down.
OK I know this is completely different from abuse. I just wanted to say that I went through a really low patch for maybe 12 months after being hospitalised and accepting that my mobility would always be compromised. I kept a journal for quite a long time after I came out of hospital. After a while I stopped and just put the journal in a drawer. Maybe 7 months or so later I saw the journal in the drawer and started to re-read it. My goodness it was really a very depressing read. At that point I decided it needed to go. Destroying the journal, ripping page by page into pieces was really cathartic. It was like disposing of the trauma and I felt much better afterwards.
No it wasn’t a ‘golden bullet’ my mobility is still compromised, but yes it did put lots of things into perspective. It has allowed me to accept things as they ‘are’ and to not re-live a time when I ‘hit the wall’ several times.
Maybe if you ‘journal’ it will help you to stop reliving the past…. you can’t re-write it….. if only we could!!! We have to accept what has gone before us but we really have to try not to let it ruin today or tomorrow. I know how hard that can be. For me, with a physical disability, I just say “I can do what I can do and what I can’t, I can’t”. I know that a ‘mental disability’, for want of a better description, is not that easy to overcome.
Don’t let the past define your future you’re worth more than that.