Patricia, I hope your husband’s sabotage of your dietary plan really is grounded in a lack of understanding about the mechanism of hyperinsulinemia and blood sugar spikes. The other possibility, one many people on this forum have seen from all kinds of friends and family, is that he is uncomfortable with the depth of change you’re embracing because it feels like an upheaval of a status quo that’s he likes just fine as it is. The former can be addressed with a thorough explanation or readings or podcasts. The latter is going to take some unflinching self-examination on his part.
It’s not that your funnier when you’re drunk, Birdy. It’s that drunk people think they’re hilarious when in fact they’re dumbasses and the presence of sober people makes them uncomfortably aware that their ostensible hilariousness may be entirely fictional.
Amz, I wasn’t posting actively on this forum when you were before, but as someone who struggled with depression for many years, I recognize its insidious lies in your OP here. You say you stopped posting because you felt like you were taking encouragement and support without giving any back. Even if this had been the case, so what? You are a human being deserving of support and encouragement solely on the basis of the fact that you need support and encouragement from people who share your struggle. But as it happens, that was not the case at all. I looked up your past posts and you were fully engaged with other members, interacting warmly and positively, lending just as much support as you received. Depression twisted a source of emotional nourishment — your involvement in this forum — into a negative thought about yourself, cutting off a much-needed supply line and leaving you stranded without reinforcements.
When you first joined you picked GangreneHeart as your username because, you explained, “just like gangrene caused the body to die and decompose, the choices I’ve made have done the same to my heart.” Ironically, diabetic gangrene is caused by the excess of blood glucose making a mess of the circulatory system’s ability to combat infection. This is so characteristic of depression. It weaponizes physiological processes, convincing you they are personal failures or character flaws and casting your entire life as nothing but a series of bad decisions. Everything that’s wrong is a result of you sucking, not an imbalance of brain chemicals, not an overproduction of insulin, not ruptured communication lines between you and your loved ones, not being deliberately set up to fail by massive market forces, financial pressures and the people around you.
You’ve lost more than 20 lbs since you registered here. That’s a great result, period. Keep your eyes on that, not on picking yourself apart because you gained a few here and there. When depression tells you there’s something wrong with you, that you’re weak or lazy or useless, answer back. I mean out loud. It’s lying to you and you don’t have to take that shit from your own brain. Keep posting and draw strength as you need it. This isn’t a tollbooth. You don’t have to pay to move forward. We’re all chipping into this pool and our collective resources are infinite.