A lack of willpower

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  • posted by Amz the Beautiful
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    Hello.
    I used to be rather active on this site a couple months ago, but I find myself really lacking now. I stopped reading and replying because I felt like being here and taking everyone’s encouragement without giving some of my own was unfair. I really hate that I’m rapidly gaining back the weight I loss and that my activity level is sub-zero. The disappointment I feel only makes my recent depression worse. I know I should pull myself up, but I’m really struggling. I feel really lonely since no one in my life really supports my weight loss in a positive way. I really wish I had someone to check in with daily and to text when I’m tempted to give into unhealthy habits.

    What do you guys do when you find yourself in a slump? Is there a way for me to get back on my feet quickly?

  • posted by sixturkeys
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    Hi Amz – I know that Wendleg in particular has been calling out to you and many have been wondering how you are getting on. Wendleg is on holiday in the UK at the moment so may have limited opportunities to check in, but I am sure she will be straight on to replying to you when she sees your post – as will others. I am sorry that you are feeling down – a number of recent joiners, me included, have had slumps, and it is just a question of getting back on track, knowing this will ultimately show results (whether quick or slow). You know this forum is “open all hours” and there is no expectation that express support and encouragement has to be a two way street, so I am glad you are back and hope we can all help you get your mojo back!

  • posted by JGwen
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    Hi Amz,

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed.
    This is the same for me, ” I feel really lonely since no one in my life really supports my weight loss in a positive way.” – Lots of people congratulate me or comment on the amount of weight lost. Then they start to tell me all about their diet routine which obviously isn’t working for them, or try to tell me how they couldn’t possibly do as I do, as well as tell me all about their daily struggles from problems caused by being so overweight they struggle to walk.

    Here’s the good news, ” I really wish I had someone to check in with daily and to text when I’m tempted to give into unhealthy habits.” – You do have, its the forum, that’s what we do for each other.

    You asked about slumps, I have had them, I have had lots of times when the scales showed no change for weeks at a time, and I have the delight of cleaning up the holiday let after guests who have had a carb fest. I couldn’t have got to where I am without a strong WHY, a really important reason to me to Keep on Keeping on because there was something I wanted more than I wanted the quick fix from carbs. I still need that.

  • posted by wendleg
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    AMZ !!!!! So pleased to see you back !!! I feared we had lost you. So sorry to hear you are struggling. It’s never been an easy ride for you but you know there have been moments of tremendous VICTORY ! Remember those gorgeous vintage dresses ?
    Dont rely on anyone else at home to support you Amz..it doesn’t work and you have occasionally been undermined . You alone can find that strength to succeed again . You will always have the support you need on here. We have always looked out for you and will continue to do that. Stay with us ..the weekly thread is active. Put the slump behind you now . You can get back on your feet. Set yourself a short manageable goal ..check in daily with us so you never feel you are struggling without the encouragement you need.You can do it Amz and we will help you every step of the way xx

  • posted by Birdy76
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    Amz. I had my O/H tell me last night that even though it is ok for me to be doing this he likes getting drunk with me on Friday night as I am funnier! It won’t make me drink though and proves he does not really support me. Sod the lot of them! As Wendleg said you have us and we will be your cheerleaders, confidante’s and whatever else you need. Funnier indeed! He is away this weekend so I can fast and not worry about his casting eye! Don’t get me wrong he is lovely but he would be happy if I never lost weight! He likes me fat! Birdy💞🦜

  • posted by Patricia1066
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    Stay with your conviction amz and Birdy, you are strong women and you are saving your life, to have a long healthy life.

    I always seem to gird up and get stronger, when I am challenged.

    During my fast my husband made my favourite casserole and left my portion on the counter. I was quite impressed with him, he didn’t tell me he didn’t want me to fast, he used my hunger against me. It didn’t work as he planned. I told him that I wasn’t going to eat, just have a cup of broth.
    If we have breakfast together we both have boiled eggs, and he butters toast for both of us. That’s hard because it’s my Carb delight.

    He doesn’t want me to eat 3 slices of toast as I used to, but refusing to eat them at all doesn’t compute. I’m an all or nothing woman, he is capable of moderation.

    I thought he understood that I need to address diabetes and lose weight, I think he disapproves of how I’m addressing it. He might have to follow it. He is almost following it, hardly eats any carbs just a couple of steamed puddings occasionally.

  • posted by Birdy76
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    I know what you Patricia! I think they call it being blooded minded🤣🤣🤣 oh I mean determined!😝 💞🦜❤️❤️

  • posted by Esnecca
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    Patricia, I hope your husband’s sabotage of your dietary plan really is grounded in a lack of understanding about the mechanism of hyperinsulinemia and blood sugar spikes. The other possibility, one many people on this forum have seen from all kinds of friends and family, is that he is uncomfortable with the depth of change you’re embracing because it feels like an upheaval of a status quo that’s he likes just fine as it is. The former can be addressed with a thorough explanation or readings or podcasts. The latter is going to take some unflinching self-examination on his part.

    It’s not that your funnier when you’re drunk, Birdy. It’s that drunk people think they’re hilarious when in fact they’re dumbasses and the presence of sober people makes them uncomfortably aware that their ostensible hilariousness may be entirely fictional.

    Amz, I wasn’t posting actively on this forum when you were before, but as someone who struggled with depression for many years, I recognize its insidious lies in your OP here. You say you stopped posting because you felt like you were taking encouragement and support without giving any back. Even if this had been the case, so what? You are a human being deserving of support and encouragement solely on the basis of the fact that you need support and encouragement from people who share your struggle. But as it happens, that was not the case at all. I looked up your past posts and you were fully engaged with other members, interacting warmly and positively, lending just as much support as you received. Depression twisted a source of emotional nourishment — your involvement in this forum — into a negative thought about yourself, cutting off a much-needed supply line and leaving you stranded without reinforcements.

    When you first joined you picked GangreneHeart as your username because, you explained, “just like gangrene caused the body to die and decompose, the choices I’ve made have done the same to my heart.” Ironically, diabetic gangrene is caused by the excess of blood glucose making a mess of the circulatory system’s ability to combat infection. This is so characteristic of depression. It weaponizes physiological processes, convincing you they are personal failures or character flaws and casting your entire life as nothing but a series of bad decisions. Everything that’s wrong is a result of you sucking, not an imbalance of brain chemicals, not an overproduction of insulin, not ruptured communication lines between you and your loved ones, not being deliberately set up to fail by massive market forces, financial pressures and the people around you.

    You’ve lost more than 20 lbs since you registered here. That’s a great result, period. Keep your eyes on that, not on picking yourself apart because you gained a few here and there. When depression tells you there’s something wrong with you, that you’re weak or lazy or useless, answer back. I mean out loud. It’s lying to you and you don’t have to take that shit from your own brain. Keep posting and draw strength as you need it. This isn’t a tollbooth. You don’t have to pay to move forward. We’re all chipping into this pool and our collective resources are infinite.

  • posted by Patricia1066
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    Hi Esnecca, great post; really brings on the discussion.

    I have had a chat with OH about bread; 3 tsp sugar in every slice of rye bread. He had a moment of recognition I think. We will see if he offers me a slice tomorrow.

    I think if I could throw out the bread it would no longer have any power to appeal to me.

  • posted by Birdy76
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    Essie wow thank you. I don’t want this to sound crass or flippant because it is heartfelt, you are a beautiful and amazing person. I love that you talk straight and that you take your time to write and explain things in great detail. Thank you Essie. I have fallen a little bit in love with you. Both you and Allie are invaluable on here as well as everyone, but you both truly stand out and I know we appreciate everything bit of support, guidance and kicks up the ass that you give to us all. Thank you. Yes I agree with the drunkenness and I am a little worried how I am going to put up with his when we are at the Army Navy rugby match stroke Army reunion in a couple of weeks. Birdy💞🦜❤️

  • posted by Scottishgal
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    That’s a great post Essie. I echo everything Birdy has said. Your posts are always an inspiration to me and I expect to everyone else as well.
    Patricia, I hope you manage to get your OH to support you more. I know it helps if you have the support of loved ones.
    My OH “thinks” he’s supporting and encouraging me by doing the BSD with me……….as he drinks pints and gets a chippy on the way home! Lol.
    Amz, stick with us. We can do this together!

  • posted by wendleg
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    Essie ‘s description of the destructive,invasive stealth of depression has occupied my thoughts since I read her post.. It gives me hope that the lovely people suffering on the forum can read those wise words and gain strength and renewed determination from them. It’s so difficult …for me anyway ..to resist the urge to “advise” which is not my role here but I think Essie will have sown the seeds of empowerment for anyone feeling crushed and manipulated by depression or other destructive forces right now.
    Essie..we need your straight talking no bullshit ..keep it coming ..and thank you xx

  • posted by avisamuelgrey
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    Esnecca, what a thoughtful and caring post.

    Amz, I am so, so sorry you are mired in the darkness, and please take the support that is offered here, if you don’t have it IRL. It can be so hard to see things in perspective when everything is on top of you, and if I am remembering correctly, the end of a relationship can offer a fresh start, and a chance to decisively turn your back on the negativity that you’ve been living with and make some good changes so that the future you is more content and in control of events.

    It’s been almost 10 years since my depression diagnosis, and I really had little idea what was happening to me. An accumulation of stressful events lead to me basically having a meltdown and seeking help. Medication helped with the panic attacks, the anger and tearfulness, but the mind is inescapable, and for me, those voices had been there since childhood, which counselling eventually helped me understand. They’re not beaten though, and I don’t know if they ever will be. I’ve lived alone for 16 years, so my rescue dog is my confidante and the reason I get up to face another day. I have few friends as I’m at an age where they have all started families and dropped off the radar. Loneliness is another thing that most of us experience – I find holidays really hard – but few talk about so we feel that it is only us who have somehow failed in achieving that mythical “happy” state.

    We women are so often putting on a brave face and outwardly “coping” and it can be so damaging to keep everything inside, so I hope you won’t give up on this forum for support as it seems that people here care for your wellbeing.

    You’d be amazed by how many of us are paddling furiously under the surface.

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