I have been ashamed of my eating habits and weight for almost as long as I can remember, including over 20 years of eating disorders, although am not technically suffering from one at the moment. The one thing that’s helped in the past is having someone read a food diary – so I am starting one online in the hope that fear of judgement and disdain will keep me on track.

So…day 1. Not the best of starts but it’s far fewer cals than I would normally eat so it’s an achievement in some sense of the word.

B: Greek yoghurt w/ mixed red fruit (raspberries, blackberries, cranberries, blueberries) (200)
Chocolate Options drink (50) – NEED TO STOP THIS! Will go out in the garden after breakfast tomorrow ’til the craving stops.

Mid morning snack (MMS): Quorn picnic egg (50)

L: 1-egg omelette with spinach (100)
1/2 pot cottage cheese (100)
Broccoli (10)
Apple (100) – didn’t want it after the first bite but felt bad about wasting it. Stupid really.
1/2 piece 85% chocolate. (30)

I came across this recipe earlier that my be ok to try, more calories but less carbs.

http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/17221/low-carb-hot-chocolate.aspx?o_is=LV

I did a diary partly for the same reason as you, I felt if I was writing everything down I would be more honest with myself and accountable.

I’ve not suffered from full blown eating disorders, but I have binged, and I have eaten in secret, disposing of the evidence. I too have felt shame. However I’m a work in progress but I’m coming to a place of empowerment and acceptance – I hope you are on your way here!

You have no need to feel guilt or shame for your past eating, nor for any slip ups you might have in the coming months.

For a start, suffering from a real eating disorder is a REAL THING. It isn’t something you chose. It isn’t something anyone can control easily. Suffering from carb addiction is also a REAL THING. It also isn’t something you chose, and controlling that is also difficult. I’m starting to realise that this is not something I should feel ashamed of. Knowing that is empowering and is helping me to be motivated to change my life, after many failed attempts at various regimes in the past. I’m on week 4 and I’m convinced now that I can do this, and so can you!

I’d love if you could feel the freedom of letting the guilt and shame go. You don’t deserve them. Best of luck to you!